It started with the book The Shape of Mercy and the main character assuming that someone was hired help by the way he was dressed when he was actually a friend of the family. The book is about the Salem Witch Trials and all of the horrible assumptions there.
Next I hear it. You’ve heard it and maybe even said it before. “Well, you know how those people are.” Oh, really? Do I? I literally shake my head and say, no…no I do not.
Assumptions are nasty things. With the exception of when your son calls and says something like “Do you know I have the most beautiful Mom in the entire world?” By all means, assume he wants something and reply with “No, tell me how beautiful she really is.” And then smile and sit back and take in the wonderful words that are being said about you at that very moment.
If it’s not this situation, then assuming can be very harmful, dangerous and just plain wrong. I honestly try and not assume things about people based on where they live, how they dress, what size they are or what kind of vehicle they drive. When I meet someone, I immediately start looking at how their heart sees things. I want to see things through their eyes, but again, I do not assume to know or understand how or why they see things the way they do. I try to live by this and make it a rule. I don’t assume things about people based on surroundings.
Many people assume that just because someone says they are a Christian that they truly are. Unfortunately many people speak the language, but don’t walk the talk and this is very misleading. Others think that if a non-believer asks questions that they simply want to debate. Again, this is not always a correct assumption. Many people that ask questions are simply seeking the truth and shame on us for not giving it without assuming they want an argument.
I could go on and on here. So many assumptions are made about people based on their size, place of employment and such. Why do we do this? Why do we assume things without taking the time to see things through the eyes of others or even try to understand where people are coming from?
We’ve all had our moments where things were better, where we looked better, felt better, dressed better. We’ve all had moments where we were proud to be who we are and held our head high. The opposite is true, we’ve all had our moments where the worst part of our being has shown through and we’d love to take it back and undo the damage we’ve done, but we can’t. We would love to go back in time and change many moments in our life that were less than pleasant. All of these moments are shared by each and every one of us and yet we still make horrible assumptions.
Have you caught yourself assuming the worst about people or even the best about people? Do you assume that what you see at first glance is all that there is? Do you assume that there is no need to look further for facts because you know all the facts you need to know?
Am I assuming that everyone assumes way too much? If I am assuming, is my assumption wrong? Assuming you will answer me in the comment section, will you have the courage to speak the truth about assumptions?
{{HUGS}} yall
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You have hit upon one of the largest quandaries of my half-century of life. Assumption! Why do people assume anything when it comes to other people? Is it a learned behavior or is it a natural instinct (even kids make assumptions of other kids)? Why do we do it when, more often than not, it misleads us?
I have tried to understand it by learning what it is; but, by it’s very definition it is not a positive behavior or idea. A hypothesis that is taken for granted? To take over? I mean come on. That is fine when you dealing with something concrete or physical. But it has no place in something that is ever changing, like the life of another human being.
People do change. I am a firm believer that the foundation of all our character never changes; however, what is built on that foundation can be torn down and rebuilt, repaired and remodeled many times over. Even looking back at the “facts” of what a person has done, or “was”, does not show what is in front of you at the time or what you will see at a latter time. People (because life is ever changing) are like a river. You can stick you hand in the river, pull it out, and stick it right back in… you will not touch the same water.
Assumption is oft the greatest miscarriage of justice (Justice being the treatment of people that is fair and morally right.)that I see on a regular and continuing basis. This, to me, holds especially true, when people are “judged” (what assumption of another person is) based on their looks, financial position, ethnic or cultural background, or, worst of all, because of what we have heard (because it encompass every possible thing).
In making my point, before his journey to Damascus, many had heard of Saul the persecutor of Christians. They knew of his imprisoning of Christians and even the stoning of Stephen (This information can be found outside the bible). Today many, many more have heard of Paul the Apostle and Saint. People change. We all have. We all will. To say that because , without taking the time to know, and to know in the present time, we have already made a mistake.
I find that if I lead with my heart and what it tells me, I may get hurt, but not nearly as often as I have when I assumed.
Sorry for rambling.. that is just how I feel!
🙂
Chris,
Ramble all you want when you bring such good content to the table like you do. Kids are normally so truthful, and yet in their assuming little minds you do have to wonder, is it learned or natural. and that can lead to a whole other discussion.
Assuming people never change – true. We all do it and hearing myself say that, it sounds horrible. Thank you for the example of Paul. He certainly did a 180! Experience teaches us so much and we are always learning and changing. I’m so thankful for that. Stepping away from assumptions, we’ve got to learn how to do that more.
Thank you for such an honest look and for how you are always so encouraging to me. You bring great JOY my way and I’m thankful. Happy Thanksgiving Chris. {{HUGS}} for you.
Coming at this from entirely different perspective.. The perspective of someone whom assumptions were made about.
What if others assumptions caused you to begin to view yourself as they did? Their assumptions .. you accept and believe as your own. You stop fighting these views and simply accept.
Your loss of faith in who you are, causes you to alter life’s course. You treat all others as if they think of you in the same manner. You push them away. You allow no one to get close because assumptions are then made by you .. that what they said was true. OF COURSE, it must be true. ONLY, because at some point in your life, assumptions were made about you.
Your heart says this cannot be true. Yet, you turn away from this inner voice, preferring to “stay safe”. Safe, because if you understand that “THIS is what you are”, then you can’t be harmed. I believe the phrase for this is “Beat them to the punch”. Say you are worthless before they get the chance.
For once though, you begin to listen to the inner voice. The voice speaking, saying you DO matter. The voice says that not all people make the same assumptions of you. First, you begin to view others differently. You search for the beauty beyond imperfection. You begin to find beauty in imperfection.
Looks cease to matter. Education and financial status is of no importance. The “problems” found in others begin to be viewed as wonders and miracles. Miracles, because in spite of such, they persevere. Beauty in imperfection.
Rainy days become beautiful, clouds become blessings, miracles only masked in misfortune. Look beyond the “obvious”. The greatest beauty found not in a pageant winner, but in the lines in an aged man’s face .. not in a mansion, but in a ragged old barn.. beauty, not in “perfect” weather, but in the gray skies of a rainy day… assumptions made, but perspectives broken.
Yet, the greatest battle still lies ahead. The battle to change assumptions of yourself.. to stop accepting words of others. To learn to see the beauty in who you are. The same beauty that you now see in others. The heart says you are of worth. The mind reminds you of others assumptions. Turning these thoughts about yourself around is the hardest to do. ALL caused by others assumptions of you at some point in your life. Breaking this mold, that you have cast for yourself, will free you. It may be the greatest fight of your life. This battle, caused by others …assumptions. “Assumptions”
The battle between heart and mind continues.
PC SmokyMtnChick
~ searching for beauty where most fail to notice ~
Paula,
Thank you for the amazing and insightful contribution to my article. You are absolutely correct that when we start believing “their” assumptions it changes so many things, including the way we see others. Their negative assumptions cloud our vision and make things look differently than they appear.
but – I also LOVE this: “Rainy days become beautiful, clouds become blessings, miracles only masked in misfortune. Look beyond the “obvious”. The greatest beauty found not in a pageant winner, but in the lines in an aged man’s face .. not in a mansion, but in a ragged old barn.. beauty, not in “perfect” weather, but in the gray skies of a rainy day… assumptions made, but perspectives broken.”
I’ll often tweet what a glorious day it is out….and its raining. I love the pictures you’ve drawn for us here.
Yes, the battle between the heart and mind will continue. We are able to fight past it, move forward and yes – find beauty where most fail to notice.
YOU are amazing and I’m so thankful for your input here!
{{HUGS}}
Marie
I’ve yet to really find/believe that anyone never assumes any given thing/issue or whatever. I’ve noticed it both from children as well as adults to be both learned AND natural. Likely mostly natural, though … as we ALL do it. Even if we don’t (really) realize it.
Example by quoting a phrase from an above comment:
“…you will not touch the same water.”
I don’t believe this to be true … already, am I assuming?
I very well could be.
Although it’s different ‘drops’ of water being touched after first touching then removing and touching again … it’s still the same body of water.
There’s really no way to avoid it. Assuming is part of life.
Sometimes assumptions are correct.
Yet, sometimes they’re not.
Brian Thank you for taking the time and commenting. Yes, we do all assume and honestly we can’t get away from it. Maybe its more WHAT we assume. If we assumed the good in everyone – all the time that would help us. Even yesterday I was typing something and totally assumed the person receiving the email would like what I was discussing….what can you do? right?
You are a blessing!! Thank you
@spreadingJOY
Marie recently posted..Assumptions
It is really hard not to make assumptions. It is a fun pastime. You can just go to the shopping mall and judge or make assumptions about people all day long!
But really, i think we are all on the subconscious level making assumptions and sooner or later those judgements surface to our consciousness. What I really enjoy are those moments where people surprise me! It takes me down a notch or two! LOL Assumer malfuntion!
Also, I assume people are making assumptions about me based on my own assuming paradigms! I mean, i put myself behind their eyeballs and look at me. I don’t really like what i see. So then i hide in the work room and reply to blog posts, because i assume that people are making bad assumptions about me in the real world so why even bother to relate IRL?
I assume this post is running on and i don’t want to leave too much information for you to make a bad assumption about me!
LOL
That was a lot of fun!
God bless! (Dont assume this is really how I feel)
Conrad – I loooove your comment. I was sooo hoping SOMEONE would provide a humorous look at assumptions and YOU did!! Thank YOU!!!
We are all people watchers and to a degree assume. We wonder, we see sour looks and assume their day was bad. We see smiles and assume things are great.
Hiding in work rooms and replying to blogs can be very encouraging – as you already know! well, assuming you know that 🙂
YOU are ahhhhmazing – (since you are behind my eyeballs you SHOULD see that)
{{HUGS}} and thank you again for adding to this discussion!
@spreadingJOY
Marie recently posted..Assumptions
For most of the world lead by their ‘feelings’ alone, falling into the trap of assumptions is an easy fall. For believers lead by the Holy Spirit, we should be lead by discernment giving freely by His Spirit and should not rely solely on our ‘feelings’.
Imagine Jesus approaching the woman at the well saying ‘Well, it’s women like you..’ I think not.
We are to choose each day to have the mind of Christ so that the daily judgement calls we must make are made with love and mercy and not on assumptions.
🙂
I love that story, as Jesus went waaaay out of HIS way to see her. Show each and everyone of us just how special we really are. Falling into assumptions is so easy, but with a little work and the hand of God over us, we can avoid this horrid fall.
love and mercy – that is the ticket right there!!
Big {{HUGS}} for you Rose!
I assume one is happy because I see a smile. What I do not know is that this person is hurting inside and tears flow at night. And we should smile, regardless of our circumstances. I have had little, then much, and now back to not so much, but I am content. I have learned to KNOW not assume that God still loves me and will take care of me and also He will take care of you.
Hazel Moon recently posted..Music Makes the Soul Rejoice
I love how we can KNOW and not have to assume that God loves us. Such peace and comfort during the not so good times comes with that knowing. thanks for your thoughts on this Hazel!
{{HUGS}} for you
What is the difference between assumption and discernment?
This topic has been on my mind over the past few days as my husband and I have been reading a book about funding our ministry. Many times we look at people and assume things about them, in this case about their income, and discredit them or attach to them like flies to honey just because of something we assume but probably isn’t based in truth. Thanks for your wisdom, yet again, Marie!
I try to tell myself never assume, I haven’t walked a day in their shoes! I try to find out as much as I can about a person or situation, but sometimes my mind does wander there and I do assume! 🙂
Cathy
Guilty! But in recent years I become aware of that evil attitude of assuming the worst about anyone and have corrected it. Anytime the thought slips into my mind the Holy Spirit convicts me. I do believe that awareness is the first step in correcting a bad habit.
Mary Collins recently posted..New Book Urges Spiritual Parenting in the First Five Years of Life
I think I used to be quicker to make assumptions but being ill a few years ago has changed my perspective. On the other hand, people are often surprised how wrong their assumptions about me are.
As I get older I’m learning how dangerous my own assumptions of others can be. Though, I’ll admit it’s too naturally easy to assume things. I have to battle the desire to label quickly.
Roxanne recently posted..Three Questions to Ask in a Power Struggle with Your Child
i like the image you used at the beginning of this post – and you’re right – we are NEVER to assume ANYTHING! 😀
andi recently posted..Psst…It’s Thursday Testimony Day On The Blog!
Assuming things always gets us in trouble. That said another person asked the question as to what the difference is between assumptions and discernment?
I think it’s human nature to judge others. Some call it first impressions. Others make judgment calls on people’s perceived motivation. As Believers it’s important to give grace and to love all. Jesus Himself said that people would know us by the love we have for each other.
Jonathan Key recently posted..The No Spend Challenge – Day 30: Write a Page Reflecting on this Month
It has always been said when you assume you make an A#^^# out of yourself.