21 Precious Memories of My 21 Year old

April 3rd 2012 is a mixed emotion kind of day.

I wish I had friends in high places that could fly in, pick me up and take me to Arkansas to see my son for his 21st birthday.  It is the first birthday that I’ve ever NOT seen him.  I knew that not seeing him for “a birthday” would come eventually, but really…are we mom’s ever actually ready for that?

So in honor of him, I’ve decided to waltz down memory lane.  You don’t mind do you? Hmm?

I’m a random gal, so these memories are completely random.

I remember….

 

  1. Megan asking how to spell “apple” and your 5 year old self confidentially answered “s-n-o-t”
  2. The toddler, little boy that always held my hand while he slept
  3. The 2nd grade protector of the Princess Kristen. You walked behind her as she climbed stairs so if she stumbled, you would be there for her. I loved you for that more than you could possibly know.
  4. Trying to figure out what orange chips and broken jeans were. I have always loved your literal mind
  5. Your favorite outfit.  Cowboy boots and shorts.  Nothing more.
  6. Yoohoo was the drink of choice
  7. Power Rangers and Street Sharks were neck and neck with Richard Scary’s busy town.
  8. How you loved and adored “the baby” before she was born.  You wanted a little brother, but always treasured the gift of a sister.  I loved how you played with her and talked to her before birth.
  9. You driving off with just Megan the day you got your license.  I cried tears of joy and was a tiny bit fearful.  So grown up, yet still my baby.
  10. Not being able to get the lawn mower to start and you matter of factly reminding me to “do what we always do…Pray about it” at the young age of 5 years old. Child like faith…amazes me.
  11. Watching you sleep and thinking just how proud of you I am.  I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow watching you sleep.  Ever.
  12. I remember the Christmas you were horribly sick. I had a double ear infection and you had some flu bug. You threw up for hours. You were worried Santa wouldn’t come with your one special gift if you didn’t sleep.  “he showed” but then you cried after you were sick all over all your new toys.  You finally slept and were so thrilled to find them perfectly fine when you woke.
  13. I remember how big and grown up you looked as you were walking into kindergarten.  You were a head taller than all the rest of the kids.  You being a head taller than most served me again as I searched for you in the sea of green caps and gowns on your graduation day.
  14. Always shooting hoops with you, tossing the football and being able to hit each of your fast balls.  Well, except the one that got out of control.  I hit it, but not with the bat.  I used my arm to deflect it from my face and you thought you had broken my arm.
  15. I remember the Mom and Todd dates, where we talked about you, your hopes, dreams and things going on your day to day world.  We also discussed just how to treat your future girl friend and the gentleman that you could become.
  16. Establishing honest communication with you at a very young age.  It has always been something that I treasure, knowing that YOU know that you have the freedom to ask me anything.
  17. How your training wheels had long stopped touching the ground before you’d let us take them off.  They were so bent that they truly didn’t work, but you needed the security more than the wheels.
  18. The older you got, the less you liked to read.  But I do treasure the years that we were able to read all kinds of books together.  Especially your favorite – All Because a little bug went Kachoo.
  19. Singing at the top of our lungs as we rode along in the car and laughing when someone would mess up the words to the song. OR singing them wrong on purpose!  Especially when Megan would sing “wise Christmas” or “Winnie NUT Pooh”
  20. Sparring with you, having fun and then stepping into your very controlled punch.  You were horrified as you thought you had hurt me badly.  And yes, it did hurt pretty badly.
  21. The courage you showed as a 10 year old boy, sparring with the older adults. Your height moved you out of the kids class and into the adults.  Even though they were stronger, smarter and older…you always made them earn their wins.  Always.  And you even won several yourself.

 

I sure do love you son! Forever and Always

 

I could list a million memories here.  Probably a zillion.  More than anything I want you to know how very proud of you I am.  You were absolutely the best surprise ever.  From the moment I found out I was expecting you, I promised God if He would use you, that I’d do everything I could do to point you to Him.

I love you son.  I hate that we are apart on this special milestone in your life, but know that you are right in the center of God’s will…and that…makes me happy.

 

I’ll hug you soon.

 

Happy Birthday Son! I love you

Healing? Really?

Megan Dec 2011

I know what you must be thinking – it’s not real….or she didn’t mean it.

Well, I did mean it and still stand by it. Here is the post that details the event.  November 2009 was a year that Megan was healed, but something more important than her stomach and gastroparesis was healed.

Her Heart, Spirit and Will were healed.

She had been beaten down mentally by the doctors not believing us so much so that nothing mattered.  She was physically exhausted from throwing up everything. She was broken and I watched helplessly, praying and trusting God to mend what I couldn’t. He did.

A year later, her gastroparesis has flared up again. She went back on medicine and things were going well. She still dealt with daily pain, but digested her food.  Now, two years later, It’s not just sever stomach pain every time she eats, no.  She is not digesting solids at all. It’s been since before Thanksgiving since her stomach just stopped working….out of the blue.

Take your worst flu and multiply the symptoms by about 100 and that is what gastroparesis patients suffer with.

We center so much around food and eating.  It’s not noticeable until someone you love dearly is not able to enjoy eating.

She is 17 and has battled this in some fashion or another since she was 12. It was only late 2009 that we even knew what it was that she was battling.

Christmas 2011

As I look at her, wishing I could take her pain, wishing I could change places with her, my heart thinks of all the moms out there that watch their child fight cancer and other diseases.  Their strength amazes me.  Their courage amazes me.

Her strength amazes me.  She deals with this daily but is also enjoying life daily.  She struggles with being exhausted and sleeps more than most teens but still looks for and finds the blessings of the day.  She still would rather not have milkshakes, due to the fact that we are forcing them in her as it is a liquid that will stay.

Recent conversations go something like this…

No….no food today, have liquids. It needs to be a throw up free day.

You ate yesterday, you can eat next week.

My favorite was in a restaurant when the waiter asked if she was ok because she only had a tea, she replied.  I ate yesterday and get to eat on Christmas. (Christmas was a week later)

Yes, she struggles. Yes this is awful and yes – I’m afraid at times.  But, I can say YES, I’m trusting the Lord with her again…just as i did back in 2009 when so many came together to pray for a little girl they didn’t know.

So, the tests begin again. If medicine doesn’t work, if they don’t find out what caused this flare up (like gallbladder or something else) then she may have to have a pacemaker put on her stomach.

I come to you asking for your prayer for my princess.

Thank you for praying, for boldly going to the throne of grace on her behalf.

Thank you for your friendship, love and care.

You bless me.

Thank you.

To peek at a little of what Megan has endured, other than the chronic daily pain of Gastroparesis, click HERE to read her story

UPDATE: March 2012

I just wanted to update you on Megan’s progress or lack thereof.

Poor choices and extreme stress has caused this episode of her stomach being paralyzed.  The medicine is still not helping but we are praying that since wiser choices are being made that the stress of it being gone will enable her stomach to fully function again.

She has to start over…meaning – liquids for a week or so, and then introduce small portions of soft solids at a time.  After 7 days of liquids only and no throwing up, she may try a scrambled egg.  If that stays, we can keep that and slowly introduce soft solids to her diet.  Should something not stay in the process, we go back a step.

I’m hoping that 3/10/12 we can take her to IHOP and let her have Green Eggs and Ham. Her favorite book as a child was Green Eggs and Ham.  If they stay down (mostly the eggs) then this will be a huge positive step!

This is going to be a long journey and already HAS been as she has not been able to eat solids since 11/2011. 

Everything we do is centered around food.  Teen functions are centered around food as well and this makes the day to day living of a 17 year old girl hard…and makes it hard for her mom to simply watch and not be able to fix it.

I cannot thank you enough for your prayers.  Your prayers, encouragements, emails and messages have not only encouraged us, but it also inspires and strengthens us.

Without your prayers, there is no way I would have had the energy, resources and ability to make Christmas Joy happen last year – as that was happening right in the middle of all of these personal issues.  And we are still being strengthened by them so that we can continue to spread joy and make a difference for others even though we are walking through our own personal valley of challenges.

We are simply going to look up from this valley and enjoy the majestic view. 

We are going to choose and cause joy along the way and continue to be the voice that says there can be and IS joy…even when the tears are falling. 

Thank you seems so small at this point, but it comes from the heart.

Thank you for your continued prayers and for how you support Spreading Joy Corporation.  You enable us to continue to shout that there is no joy like spreading joy!