In A Valley

October 23, 2010 By 12 Comments

I love catching shapes in clouds & the mountains are always beautiful

I’m in a valley.  It’s true.  Have been for about a month now  AND  I love it!  I do!  I’m working in beautiful Salem Virginia.  Mountains are everywhere I look.  The ride to and from each week has been gorgeous with the color of the leaves changing to burnt orange and bright reds.  Megan even asked me when I started working there, what it was like.  My reply was, “I’m in a valley,” to which she responded ohhhhhh, niiiiice! I had to smile because I knew that I’ve been wondering about life’s valleys.

Being in this majestic valley has got me thinking lately about “life’s valleys.”

We all go through the valley in life, there is no escaping it.  It’s a matter of when.  My question to myself has been why don’t I “look up” at the wonderful surroundings when I’m in life’s valley, just as I’m doing while working here in the valley of Virginia? I know that I’m surrounded by a million little things that make life glorious and I also know the valleys are going to happen. So what is the disconnect?

Could it be that I’m so focused on the issues that I forget to look up and enjoy what is around me?  Or maybe the discouragement during that time has put a huge cloud over me and I can’t see the beauty that is all about me? Could it be that discontentment wastes my energy and I have no strength to focus on making it through the valley?  Why have I never thought of looking up before?

We all have so many blessings in our life that should carry us from one valley to the next but when we are in those valleys – we tend to forget them, so our stay there seems much longer than necessary.

The valleys of life are hard. I’ve been in many of them and do not enjoy them during that time.  I’m always thankful for friends I can come to for help, but like many – I sometimes choose not to ask, for fear of being a “burden”.

I faced another closed door a few weeks back.  My heart ached with great pain, discouragement and no music was there. Until I poured out my heart in the following words that day, I sat in silence. No singing, no happiness and fighting back the tears from yet one more closed door.

The Closed Door

Sometimes the hurt is too much to bare
Even though you say I can, I feel I can’t share

The Load is heavy, the road is long
The heart is weary and has lost its song

I know there’s hope that never ends
But for now it seems my life won’t mend

I just want to be held, I’m tired and weak
I’ll simply rest in silence, as I can’t even speak

You are strong, I’m not.  I can’t even try
I can’t stop the tears from falling from my eyes

This is me, this is all – there is nothing more
Such is my life – as I stand, facing the closed door.

Will I remember this in my next valley? Yes. Will it make a difference? I honestly don’t know.  Will I struggle along alone? I hope not. I hope that I will have the courage to ask for help that day, but it takes courage for that, and I’m far from courageous.

What do you think?  Why do we not look up when we are in life’s valley?  Why do we struggle alone – without asking for help?  We have great friendships and tons of resources, yet we choose to limp along through the valley – alone.

Tell me, what is the disconnect?

{{HUGS}} yall


Filed Under: challenge, choices, difficulties, happiness, Poetry, Spreading Joy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

No Tomorrow

June 19, 2010 By 11 Comments

My Last pic that I took with my Dad. I miss you Daddy!

The Father’s Day cards, commercials and other various reminders have been going on for a while now.  Just last night, as I walked by the cards, my heart ached as I wanted one more chance to say Happy Father’s Day Daddy.

I need to write more about him, as he was the original Joy Spreader.  Always giving to others, $20, here – candy for bank tellers there, helping out the guy that had a truck load of watermelons by purchasing them all and GIVING them away. Doing all the things I dream of doing.  Making a difference the way I dream of making.

Until last year with Megan, I can not remember writing any poetry of any kind.  But these words flooded my heart this past week and it’s with tears of joy and sorrow, I’m sharing them with you here.

 


No Tomorrow


The times of love, smiles and hugs
The times of grief and sorrow
All have a special place deep within my heart
For with him, there is no tomorrow


I sit and think and smile inside
I wonder what you would say and do
My heart longs to see, to touch and hear you,
To tell you, once more….I love you


Father’s Day is bitter sweet
As you are finally free of pain
My heart and soul realize the miles
As my loss is heavens gain


I love you Dad, I miss you deeply
Your laughter, your love, your smile
This time of separation, free from your hugs
Will make the wait…. all worth the while.

Me and my DaddyI always loved kisses from my Daddy

Filed Under: difficulties, encouraging, giving, Poetry, Spreading Joy, thanks Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Megan and Gastroparesis Fight

February 1, 2010 By 6 Comments

Megan 2009

It’s 2010 and many are asking about Megan and how she is doing.  Here are the entries from her journey in 2009.  Again, my heart is amazed at how many people stepped up, encouaged, prayed and still to this day, ask me – how is Megan.  Lets journey back to November 2009.  Shall we? Love having you walk and talk with me.  It inspires me.

It’s November now.  Meg’s doing well.  Her stomach is working again, she is eating and digesting. It (her stomach) had stopped working completely.  No liquids, no solids – nothing would digest, everything would come back.  As bad as that was, as hard as that was, the worst part was that 2 doctors didn’t believe us.  2 doctors said, you are doing this to yourself.  Imagine, one Doctor, that has known her for her entire life, telling her that “if you’ll simply NOT throw up, your food will digest” or this is in your head…etc. etc. etc. Never had we had a problem with our pediatrician believing us, until this. Even though we told her doctor that she “held” her food in – YES – HELD in so she would not throw it up, for SEVEN hours on the fourth of July, sadly enough, he still didn’t believe us.  I could see it in his eyes.  I could see it all over his face.  He thinks she has been purging all these months. She has not. I am with her each time it happens.

Anyway – back to November.  She has been on medicine that cause her stomach to work, but at such a high price.  The pain it brings is horrid.  I see it all over her.  Every time I force her to take the meds, she has to endure pain so that her stomach will work.  I know there are so many parents who are going through so much worse with their children.  I simply can’t imagine some of the grief many parents go through day in and day out.  My heart goes out to you as you hold on to your precious child. As you journey through each day, one day at a time. As your heart is fearful of tomorrow.

I get a letter from a friend. One who is supporting Spreading Joy but feels like he needs to send an extra blessing along with the letter.  It says not to think, just go with the blessing.  I don’t have to think…I know what to do.  I want my princess to have peace in her stomach. I want her to smile again and be your normal, typical teenage girl.  I want her to have some good times of pure joy.

I don’t have Meg with me.  It’s Saturday night. I gaze at the letter. “All who touch it will receive a blessing. ” I want Meg to have it.  She needs to have this. She needs to smile, laugh and have a good time.  I contact Richard Mayhan, a fellow prayer warrior and friend who God has used to help round up prayer warriors on Meg’s behalf many times.  He knows that on Sunday afternoon, when we go to the altar and pray with Meg, we are praying for special healing and pure joy for her.  I take the letter to church on Sunday. I’m not at my own church because of a death in the family.  Many family members are there and I get separated from Steve and Meg.  I’m reading in my Bible in Matthew where the faith of the friends heal the sick.  I message that verse to Richard and he says that he is there, reading that as well and so is another person. To stay there, pray there – keep my faith right there.  That so far 10 people have agreed to pray with us when we go to the altar.  He is tweeting and asking who will pray.  I continue to pray that I would have enough faith. That I wouldn’t wouldn’t be the reason Meg misses out on a blessing of healing.  There’s 17 that have agreed to pray.  All I have to do is say when we are going to the altar and people all across the United States will pray at the exact same time. I sit in my pew in awe at the amazing friends I have, at the mighty God I serve.  Meg has struggled so much this year.  Her heart has hurt as badly as her stomach because we couldn’t get the doctors to believe us.  I hear back, 26 people are going to pray.  The service is almost ending.  My heart is racing as I hear 35 people are going to join us in prayer.   I give the word, we go to the altar – for a while we - Steve, Meg and myself are the only one’s praying.  WE don’t wait for the Pastor to invite us, no..we go.  Both Steve and I pray for our Princess.  Meg holds the letter. We ask for healing for her stomach as well as her heart.  We want her to be a happy normal teenager again. We get done, head back to our seats. I get the word that including Steve and myself 47 total people prayed at the same time for Megan. Amazing love for a little girl that they have not even met.

Now the faith begins.  We leave, go to lunch. I do not give the meds. She hates them. They hurt her so badly. She eats and the food stays. A week passes, two weeks passes. Still, food staying. No meds, no tears, no “but Mom”, no I need pain medicine. None of it.  I watch and laugh out loud - wow!! She is eating me out of house and home.  I’m giggling and thinking goodness….a few months ago I was forcing her to have milkshakes every day.  She says if she never has another milshake, it will be too soon.  4 weeks passes.  She is doing well. Eating. Gaining weight. While she doesn’t like it, I’m loving it.  Christmas Even rolls around.  The excitement of her brother being home, the festivities, the day itself. It gets to her and she is sick on her stomach.  Christmas day, she is sick for several hours.  Am I swayed – no.

Its now the END of January and Megan is doing well. No medicine and yet still digesting.  The Doctor had told us this was always going to be an issue.  That she would always have a problem.  And – maybe she will, who knows….but right now, as far as I believe, her stomach is working, on its own – thanks to My Lord.

Megan 2010

Oh, the wonderful friend that sent the blessing. He was part of the 47 that were praying for Meg, without knowing that I was using the blessing he sent. I had the honor of telling him sometime later that he was more instrumental than even he knew.  That was a great honor and joy.

If you have gastroparesis, we understand.  We believe you. We know how hard you struggle. Our prayers are with you. We will do all we can to help you walk down this path, and to have joy for your journey. WE will walk with you.

I love prayer warriors.  I love the faith of my friends.  I love how God gives us the desires of our heart. What is it that you need?  What are you praying for? We prayed all year long for Megan. Don’t give up.  Gather your friends and pray  – but don’t give up. Keep going before the Lord, don’t give up.  Keep asking, don’t give up.  Keep gathering with your friends and praying – but what ever you do…don’t give up…keep praying.

What do you need?

Thank you for your friendship, love and care for my princess! I’m blessed to have you in my life!

If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder.  If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow.  If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile.  But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.  ~Author Unknown

Filed Under: challenge, difficulties, gastroparesis, Megan, passion, Spreading Joy, thanks Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Peaceful Little Things

January 10, 2010 By 11 Comments
Photo taken by Princess Meg

Taken from - "Things That Make Megan's Day"

The little peaceful things!

I love little thing.  I truly do.  Stick around long enough and you’ll probably tire of hearing me say such, but it’s the truth.  I have no idea who said it, but I saw this quote and instantly fell in love with it.

 It’s the little things that make life BIG!

 

I’ve not been feeling well for a few days, so I’ve been forced to enjoy some of the more peaceful little things in life.  I’m feeling better and but wanted to reflect on some of these little things that I’ve enjoyed these past few days.

Pandora – Love this internet radio.  Anything I want. My favorite is the “Oldies but Goodies” but so many amazing songs, right at my fingertips.  I love music! Praise and Worship, Sappy Love Songs, the Pop Singers from 80, 90 ‘s – such a wide variety of music makes me smile. Ohh… How about the One Hit wonders? We all have our favorite one of those, right?

Sleep – I normally do not take naps because they leave me feeling worse than when I went to sleep. Not true these past few days.  Here is how it looked for me. Do a few things, sleep a few hours. Get up, repeat. Been there? Oh, I’m sure you have been.   I know many people who are power nappers and swear by them.  Please, share how you fall asleep quickly enough to sleep and awaken feeling rested after only 20 minutes! 

Iced Tea – Refreshing, simple – Unsweetened, nothing added to it, iced tea.  Normally coffee is my beverage of choice, but these past few days tea has been my constant companion. The colder, the better.  When the heat is on, you should try it. 

Audio Books – Are these not the best? Other than the fact that I would love to be the voice of an audio book one day when I grow up, I love listening to them.  I love that I can find free ones as well as cheap ones.  I down load a free audio book each month at Christian Audio.  You check out like normal and put in the code and its free!  Where do you find free audio books? What is your favorite?  Have you downloaded older books?

Hand held games – It’s true. I have my very own Game Boy SP, royal blue. I received it for an anniversary present several years ago! I normally carry it in my purse, but will have to charge it before returning it.  I currently hold the 1st and 3rd place highest score in Kirby’s Pinball.  The kids lost many of my games over the years, so I’m always on the look out for some of the older game boy games. Love them. 

Sleeping on the Couch – I don’t know if it’s the fact that there is a “back” to the couch or what it is, but I love sleeping on the couch. Maybe I could take naps on the couch and enjoy this simple pleasure a little more often?

Extra Warm Blankets – I Had an issue with getting and staying warm, so piled on the blankets. I love snuggly, warm, extra soft blankets. I’d pull them up close to my chin and just drift off.

Soup – The winter time is wonderful for soup and sandwich meals, at least around my house! Once I could finally keep something down, extra hot egg drop soup was the meal of the day.  The warmth from the inside out is amazing.  Soup, simple, easy and delicious! 

Boy, looking back at this list, I need to make sure I add some peaceful little things to my day more often.  Not only are they peaceful, but fun, comforting and they bring great joy to me! It truly is the little things that make life big! These are just a few of the peaceful little things I enjoy. 

What are the little things that are big in your life? 

What peaceful little things DO you add to your day?

What peaceful little things do you NEED to add to your day?

Filed Under: choices, difficulties, fun, happiness, motivation, simple, Spreading Joy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Joy of Gastroparesis

July 21, 2009 By 2 Comments

Megan had her appointment with Dr. Pinerio with the Levine Children’s Center today and we left hopeful!
He believes this is Gastroparesis.

According to the Mayo Clinic’s website Gastroparesis is “a condition in
which the muscles in your stomach don’t function normally.
Ordinarily,
strong muscular contractions propel food through your digestive tract. But in
gastroparesis, the muscles in the wall of your stomach work poorly or not at
all, preventing your stomach from emptying properly. This can interfere with
digestion, cause nausea and vomiting, and play havoc with blood sugar levels and
nutrition. No available treatment can cure gastroparesis. Dietary changes
and certain medications sometimes help control symptoms of gastroparesis, but
they’re not effective in every case. And the available gastroparesis drugs can
cause serious side effects. Researchers are investigating other types of
therapies for gastroparesis.

He is going to use Erythromycin and Zophran to help treat it. She will take these 30 minutes before 3 meals – which right now is 4 ounces of Ensure (Yummie!!!) She will finish the other 4 ounces a few hours past that. The Erythromycin will also help her stomach muscles to contract – and push the food to small intestines.

In a week or so, we will move towards yogurt. We will stay there as long as we need to – until she feels like she can move to soft foods like mashed potatoes, yummy cheesie grits and oatmeal type foods.
We will keep progressing from there. He explained to her that she will need to re-teach her stomach to accept food – which I had already discussed with her.
She will be doing a 2 hour Gastric Emptying Scan where she eats a small amount of food and then her gift of holding in vomit will have to kick in for 2 hours. They will scan her and see if she is digesting anything at all. This scan will take place July 29th. She will have been on the new meds for 9 days. He will then decide if we need to up the medication or if she still has zero digestion, he said the Gastric Pacemaker would be an option. It is just like a pacemaker they use for the heart – just on the stomach.
This will be a long process. She will have to do some pain management techniques in addition to the meds and thanks to some great people, we already have some relaxation items on hand to help her.
She is tired of the Ensure, but willing to try. She is still skeptical because nothing has helped.
Thank you for how you have rallied around her (and me) and lifted her up in prayer. There is no way that I can tell you how encouraging it is to hear we are praying for you during this time.
I’m so grateful for all of you! I am so blessed to have friends such as you!
Megan is at camp. She will not have the energy nor the ability to participate in the sports but wanted to go.
A million *hugs* and *kisses* would never be enough to say thank you for caring, lifting us up and for being there anytime we needed you!
I am Completely awed by your compassion…..

“I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.”
Pablo Casals quotes

Filed Under: difficulties, Megan, motivation, passion, Spreading Joy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Completely Awed by the Prayers for Megan!

July 18, 2009 By 7 Comments

I’m coming before you to say thank you for your prayers for Megan. People at my work, people at my Church, friends and family members! Your prayers are what is getting us through this time of not knowing what is going on with Megan. Every time you pass me and say I’m praying for Megan – I was encouraged. I also passed that information along to Megan and again, it encouraged me.
I must take a moment to express my utter respect for those that I follow on Twitter! I absolutely can not name ALL of your names, but YOU have touched my heart so deeply today! It is hard to find words great enough to express my deepest feelings!
A brief history on what you are praying for:
Megan’s stomach trouble started 2 years ago. Horrible pain immediately after eating. Her GI quickly diagnosed it as IBS and gave appropriate medication. I never believed it was that but the medicine helped some, so we went on about our merry little ways – dealing with the pain as needed.
In March of this year, we returned to the GI with nausea and he upped her Prilosec. Ordered Endoscopy and biopsies to be taken. All came back clear. No cancer, no bacterial infection no nothing – all “normal”. April Megan started vomiting her foods several times a week. Dr. then upped her Bental and ordered more tests. All “normal”. In May the several times a week turned into each meal that had meats in it and other “hard” foods. Soft foods like cheesy smashed potatoes, good ole Southern Grits, yogurt, pudding, eggs and the like were ok. Megan was given a Gastric Emptying Scan. She was required to eat more food than she has been able to keep down since April. She ate and was scanned. An hour later another scan. The next scan was the hardest. After many tears because she couldn’t “hold down the food” any longer they took the scan and she immediately vomited. She told the technician she threw up less than half of the food. The 4th hour scan showed that only 39% of the food was gone. (Well last time I checked – 39% is less than half!) Finally – a test that showed NO digestion. I just knew that our prayers had been answered and resolution would soon be on the way!
The beginning of June Megan was admitted to hospital for 2 days for observation. She was given Reglan 3o minutes before each meal and still – vomiting of all solids was taking place. So soup for “snacks” it is. Before leaving the hospital – we found out that mashed potatoes and grits were no longer staying down. Even though the Dr. was thinking Gastroparesis – his lasts words to me was – I’ve never seen this and I don’t know what to do. Sent me back to our pediatrician for a referral to another specialists.
We have waited on this appointment for July 20th at 1:3opm for 5 l-o-n-g weeks now. And now – yogurt, as of last week, is not digesting. And as of last night 7-17-09 – liquids are officially having to be “held down”. (she can really hold in her vomit…truly) She wants to drink but the pain of the liquids going into her stomach is to great. The nausea that goes with it is so hard to bear. She is sleeping alot today to get through this. (4 ounces an hour – not working. No worries though, if need be, I will take her to ER for hydration.)
Present day – (finally – you say…get to the point!!!) Ok, already. I sent out a tweet this morning asking for prayer for wisdom for the new Doctor on Monday. Told about the liquids now giving her problems and then it happened.
#prayers4megan being tweeted about over twitter!
I know there are so many children out there with terminal illnesses. I know I can never in a million years understand what they or their mothers are going through! One thing I’m certain of is that I would not have made it through these past few months with out prayers!
Few people knew about Megan way back in March. Then a few more and a few more. This morning, after a sleepless night of prayer – I knew I had to ask for prayer. I knew several would step up and answer but I had no clue how those acts of joy would affect me!
My eyes swelled with tears as I read tweet after tweet of people asking for prayers for Megan. Then – names I didn’t even recognize started showing up. (I must happily say that I am now following those people – because I want to follow great people like they are!)
I showed my husband the outpouring of your prayers and he was in complete awe by what he was seeing, as was I!
I come to you today to humbly say thank you! It has always been (and will always be) my goal to be spreading joy to each of you but today…I was a recipient of such a magical gift! I realize that I must be diligent about spreading joy because of the encouragement and inspiration I received from your acts of joy! I must not tire, I must not fail. I must press on! And with God’s help and your prayers and encouragement – I believe I can do so.
If you have prayed for Megan – thank you!
If you have asked others to pray for Megan – Thank you!
Megan thanks you too!
A million thank yous could never be enough! Never!
YOU are great at Spreading Joy!
“Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.” Brian Tracey
Thank you guys for sharing!
Photo: Mother’s Day 2009 Marie & Megan
Filed Under: Megan, thanks Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,