Thoughts From Beside The Ocean

12-30-09 Current View of Ocean! LOVE it!

I’m sitting on the balcony loving the gray skies, the majestic ocean and how the fog is lingering right down on my level. The waves come crashing in over and over the same every time, yet different with each crash.  The ocean is so strong, powerful and demanding yet gentle, calming and assuring.

Few people are out taking advantage of this amazing sight. It’s cold and the air stings my nose.  The cold air makes me shiver all the way down go my bones…but I don’t mind. I am wrapped in a blanket with sweater, jacket and toe socks and the love of the view of the ocean to keep me warm.  Oh, and my coffee – it warms me from the inside out. It’s New Years Eve and I think of all that the new year has to offer.

I remember back to last year, one year ago today. I was probably at the same spot….on the balcony, covered with a blanket, with coffee in hand and toe socks to keep me warm. Thinking about 2009 and all the glorious things it would hold.  I remember thinking this new year, 2009  would be the best year ever! I am going to start planning wonderful things early and my family will have a wonderful year! We will take a cruise for Todds graduation present.  Goodness, is he really graduating this year?  Then we will plan a long weekend, a 5 day vacation just before Todd heads off to college. We will travel up the East coast, no reservations, no commitments just seeing the different beaches, seeing the lighthouses, visiting where ever when ever! I love being spontaneous like that. We would travel all the way to New York from NC and end with seeing Lady Liberty, by far my most favorite American icon! Then I dreamt of our Christmas 2009. I smile thinking “yes! this will be the best Christmas ever!!”  I will start now and save to get Steve the huge flat screen HD TV he wants, and I’ll get Meg her very own Lap top and I’ll get Todd something super cool as well. “That’s what I’ll do”  I grin to myself!!

Yes – a year ago the sky was the limit, as I waited for the new year to roll in. Here I am again, at the eve of another new year.  I giggle to myself because I’m thinking the same things…again! Even though 2009 was probably the toughest year financially, medically, mentally, physically and spiritually, it was also the best year!! If it could have gone wrong this past year –  it did. Click on the tag Megan and see how much pain and torment she went through.  Oh the horror my only princess endured. Look at the blog post where I loudly proclaim that circumstances will not steal my joy of giving because we knew the finances were horrible due to husbands job almost closing the door.

We are still behind on Todds tuition for 2009 but because of the heart of the college and the Grace of God he can return to college in a few days. Todd is there by faith, as the finances are not available and banks do not loan tuition for Bible college.

Yes, 2009 was literally one trial after another. I would pray for a miracle, see the prayer answered  and boom, another was needed.  I remember feeling and saying I “only” need 37 1/2 miracles!  I even cried at the thought of not getting my mom the Christmas gift I always get her! I always treat her to several days at the beach, as she loves it as much as I do. (plus I go with her!) My heart broke as I told her that I simply could not afford it, because I have the greatest mommie ever and I want to give her the best gift ever! Yet….I sit here, on the balcony gazing at the ocean, full of amazing joy and great hope for a wonderful 2010!

Gazing at what many would be saddened by. Dark clouds hoovering over the ocean. The fog is growing thicker by the hour. The rain is steadily falling.  The wind is bone chilling cold and yes, my teeth and toes are freezing, but I love it!!

Will the finances get better this year? Don’t know.  Will Megan endure other physical isses? Don’t know. Will Todd find a job, since he just found out he was a seasonal employee, when he returns to college so that he can help us pay his tuition? Don’t know. Will Steves job be safe and secure or will he lose it? Don’t know. Will I be able to give my family the Christmas gifts that I think are great and amazing on Christmas 2010? Don’t know.

So, by now you are wondering, what in the world DO you know!?!

Well, I am glad you asked! I know that I have Hope that never ends, even when the sky is falling! I have the best family in the world. I have been connected to some of the greatest people in the world through social media! I will have the pleasure of laughing out loud till my stomach hurts and I can’t breathe. I will have the gift of thousands of hugs from people I know and love as well as hugs from strangers I have just met. I will have the opportunity to give and make a difference, because every act of joy will last somewhere forever, every one of them, no matter how small they may seem at the moment!

I will be in awe at answered prayers, and scratch my head in amazement at how things seem to come together. I know that new friendships will be formed and old friendships will grow stronger. I know that tears will be shed as I walk down the journey of separation with friends that have lost very close loved ones and my heart aches for them. I know that if I never see the ocean again that the memories I have of me and my mom’s many visits will always warm my heart! I know that I am loved, adored even by an almighty God that gave his Son for me. I know that my family and friends love me – all of me! The super silly side, the sing loud (horribly loud) with the music side, the spreading joy – gotta help this person right now side.  The we just got to pray about it, trust the Lord and let Him carry us through all of this side of me. I may not know a lot, but I do know there’s NO joy like spreading joy and I intend on spreading joy every where I possibly can!

I hope you look at 2010 with hope, with love and plan on enjoying laughter, hugs and smiling a million smiles. I hope you’ll let go of the 2009 things that disappointed you, the things that made you cry and even wonder if any of it is worth it or not and boldly move towards this new opportunity we will soon be given. I hope you’ll give what you can, where you are, so that you too will realize that truly, there is no joy like spreading joy – regardless of the gift!

So, tell me….what do YOU know about 2010? Hmmmm?

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